Doctor Who's Putrid Ham
A quest through the Dr Who novelisations
"The excellent ham of Doctor Who is more than a little off"
1974 Times Literary Supplement review of Doctor Who and the Crusaders (quoted from David J Howe's The Target Book)
"Adelaide let out a piercing shriek and immediately Leela slapped her face"
DOCTOR WHO AND THE HORROR OF FANG ROCK
by Terrance Dicks
First published 30 March 1978 (1), between The Invasion of Time and The Ribos Operation (2)
Doctor Who and the Horror of Fang Rock takes place on the cusp of the electric age (3), an era it sets up, through early conversations between the lighthouse keepers, as a battleground between traditional and modern outlooks. That puts the TV story bang in the same ballpark as the previous season’s opener ‘The Masque of Mandragora’, even down to the conflation of tradition with mysticism and of modernity with science. This time though, as Tat Wood and Lawrence Miles observe, it’s not so clear which side the programme’s on (4).
The Doctor, as if it needs stating, is on the side of science – and if you want story-specific evidence for this, you could always start with the semi-regular lectures he apparently delivers at Leela in their time off (5) – but the story, in a way that seems to go generally unnoticed, is far less certain. For example, though Reuben’s tales of the beast of Fang Rock are glibly explained away by the Doctor (6), the events of the story could be granted a similarly prosaic explanation in retrospect by anyone not present. Indeed, the characters’ various machinations throughout the story, as well as sometimes implicating them in the circumstances of their own deaths, serve to offer up possible motives for the small cast to have killed each other off, especially once the Morse apparatus has been sabotaged to stop anyone contacting shore (7).
Most obviously, lots of people could happily have done for Palmerdale: Harker attempts to strangle him, declaring ‘He deserves to die’ (8), and the possibility that he offed the lord is briefly entertained by the other characters (9); Vince burns Palmerdale’s bribe specifically to avoid suspicion for his murder (10); and Skinsale is immediately suspected by Adelaide (11) because of the threat Palmerdale’s survival might have posed his reputation (12). Further, if you want to take the view that no post-event investigator could know about the inside information Skinsale had provided Palmerdale (13), the old soldier dies surrounded by ‘a fortune’ in diamonds (14) that he’s taken from the lord’s dead body (15).
It’s not just Palmerdale’s presence that could explain the carnage. Though Vince is clearly rather sweet, and rushes away rather than witness Leela changing (16), the implications of the ‘lonely life on the lighthouse’ and a woman’s presence being ‘quite a treat’ (17) are clear. Adelaide’s presence, her body to be discovered in the crew room along with that of her employer (18), could be used to construct an explanation of how and why those at the lighthouse all ended up dead.
Focusing on some fictional investigative team might seem a bit obtuse (I mean, it is), but the story does itself draw attention to the ease with which one unknown detail can change the whole narrative – because the Doctor doesn’t know the alien threat can shapeshift, the possibility that Reuben has been replaced by an interloper escapes him and he encourages a course of action that locks everyone in the lighthouse with the threat (19). This is relevant because, in plot terms, the detail is utterly irrelevant – at no point are the blocks on the door a factor in anyone’s death, no one is trying to escape the Rutan at the point it catches them and the Rutan can casually scale the outside of the lighthouse to get at people anyway, as it does when it kills Palmerdale. All the Doctor’s realisation does is draw attention to how his mistake is based on one missing piece of information.
Of course, the story isn’t actually suggesting the Doctor and his scientific outlook are wrong – the enemy isn’t the beast of Fang Rock, and the Rutan is defeated through a combination of the Doctor’s understanding its physiognomy (20) and employing the right tools to destroy mother ship (21). That doesn’t mean the story’s happy about this verdict though.
It’s significant that the Doctor makes his key mistake at the precise moment when he’s being an absolute arse. Not only does he ‘shush’ Leela (22), he does so ‘reprovingly’ (23) and in tandem with belittling her as ‘Savage’, just before emphasising more strongly than on TV (24) that his plan is for everyone to be ‘sealed in this lighthouse till morning’ (25). It’s also significant that, with a scientific worldview being analogous here with the harnessing and use of electricity, the character that most firmly represents the modern age is the Rutan. Not only does it have an easy affinity with electricity, its dissection and study of its human enemies (26) is very scientific. It’s also utterly callous. On top of this, it’s difficult to ignore the fact that everyone in the lighthouse is electrocuted (27), and whether the Rutan or the new-fangled electric light and generator is the cause doesn’t change the detail that the tool of the new ‘age of science’ (28) does for them all. In other words, though science may well be a better path than mysticism, it’s also a disquietingly cold and inhuman one – science, electricity and modernity of inextricably connected with the alien threat.
All of which continues the trend from Doctor Who and the Talons of Weng-Chiang and Doctor Who and the Face of Evil of putting a firm divide between the Doctor’s view and that of the assumed audience; he might not be in the wrong, but he’s far from sympathetic. The other half of that trend, a dismissive, almost contemptuous, narrative tone towards certain specific characters, also survives. For example, Leela’s ‘savage grin of triumph’ as she taunts the defeated Rutan (29) unfortunately allies the narrative with the Doctor’s tone towards her, while the reflection that ‘Her travels with the Doctor had civilised her a little—but she reverted to the primitive immediately when there was any hint of trouble’ (30) seemingly has no qualms about the detached prose voice echoing the Rutan (31). The novelisation also oddly takes the moment when Leela slaps Adelaide (32) and turns it into a running gag (33), managing to simultaneously further demean Adelaide and make Leela appear overly cruel.
However, unlike its predecessors, Doctor Who and the Horror of Fang Rock just about gets away with these indiscretions thanks to the fact that, if you squint just enough, they just might serve a purpose. Back at the start, I suggested it wasn’t quite clear which side of the traditional/modern divide the story placed itself; without these moments of narrative condescension, its position wouldn’t be quite so ambiguous. The Doctor and the Rutan may conspire to make the modern age seem overbearing and threatening, but Leela’s nastiness and Adelaide’s unrelenting uselessness serve as reminders that ways of preceding times were often far from enticing themselves.
The totem of those earlier eras is Reuban, and he’s shown up as ridiculous (34), xenophobic (35), ignorant and small-minded (36), petty (37), wilfully obtuse (38) and manipulative (39). Yes, he’s dignified, reassuring and rather lovable, in precisely ways the Doctor isn’t, and scrupulous in a manner that ensures he’s one of the few characters in no way responsible for his own death, but it’s difficult to envisage a brighter future engineered from his worldview. Oddly then, the story suggests no great appetite for the modern world but an acknowledgement that it’s an improvement, by-and-large, on what went before, in much the same way as the Doctor is increasingly being positioned as an occasionally obnoxious, slightly problematic figure who is none-the-less the agent of more good than ill. El Sandifer was right that ‘The Face of Evil’ was ‘the first real step since Planet of the Spiders to present the Doctor as fallible’ (40), but this might be the first story since Pertwee’s departure where the story serves as a reflection on the role of the protagonist.
1 Based on the Popular Television Series, ed. Paul Smith
2 epguides.com/DoctorWho
3 ‘electrical science was still in its infancy’
4‘it’s odd that although the script keeps mocking old Reuben for wanting to bring back oil and get rid of this new-fangled electricity, the Rutan uses the electricity as a weapon, suggesting this modern twentieth century isn’t as great as it’s cracked up to be after all. Whose side is this story on, anyway?’
Lawrence Miles & Tat Wood, About Time 4; p.162
5 ‘Leela struggled to remember the science lectures which the Doctor occasionally delivered during their journeys in the TARDIS’ – she really does put up with a lot, doesn’t she?
6 ‘One man kills the other in a brawl, jumps in the sea in a fit of remorse. Third man spends weeks with a corpse for company and goes out of his mind’
7 ‘The Doctor pointed to the Morse apparatus. It was smashed beyond all chance of repair, wiring ripped out, telegraph key wrenched off’
8 ‘There's good seamen dead because of him. He deserves to die’
9 ‘Could have been Harker, I suppose. He blamed Henry for losing the ship, actually attacked him earlier’
10 ‘Vince gave a gasp of horror and ran back into the lamp room. Palmerdale had gone over the edge—and he had a bundle of his lordship's money in his pocket. They'd say he'd robbed him and pushed him over. He tugged the roll of five-pound notes from his pocket, crumpled them up on the floor. He screwed up Palmerdale's code message and put it with the money, struck a match with shaking hands and set light to the little heap of paper’
11 ‘You went out of this room after him, not long ago. You followed him to the gallery, and pushed him over’
12 ‘I'd have been dishonoured, ruined’
13 ‘If the information is never used, where's the proof I ever gave it?’
14 ‘Skinsale stared down at the gleaming stones at his feet. There was a fortune there, enough to keep him in comfort for the rest of his life. He couldn't leave them...’
15 ‘Skinsale felt inside Palmerdale's shirt and felt the stiff canvas belt with its pouch’
16 ‘He turned and almost ran into the kitchen. As she struggled out of the wet skirt’
17 ‘Vince smiled shyly at Leela. “This is quite a treat for me, miss. […] It's a lonely life on the lighthouse you see’
18 ‘the deserted crew room—empty except for Adelaide huddled where she had fallen, and the body of Palmerdale on the bunk’
19 ‘I've made a terrible mistake, Leela. I thought I'd locked the enemy out. Instead, I've locked it in here—with us!’
20 ‘Projectile weapons are useless against a Rutan. They go straight through and it simply seals the wound. The only way to dispose of a Rutan is to blow it to bits’
21 ‘What we really need is an amplified carbonoscillator’, which he creates by ‘convert[ing] the carbon-arc beam’ with ‘a focusing device. A fairly large chunk of crystalline carbon’ or diamond
22 LEELA: Doctor, did you hear that?
DOCTOR: Shush.
www.chakoteya.net/DoctorWho/15-1.htm
23 ‘“Sssh, Savage,” said the Doctor reprovingly’
24 DOCTOR: If Reuben's seen it, he can tell us.
LEELA: That is what I thought, but of course I am only a savage.
DOCTOR: Come on, savage. Harker?
HARKER: Yes?
DOCTOR: Try and find some way to secure that door, hmm?
www.chakoteya.net/DoctorWho/15-1.htm
25 ‘“If Reuben's seen it, then obviously he can tell us!” “That's what I thought,” said Leela. “But then, I'm only a Savage!” The Doctor grinned. “Come on then, Savage, we'll go and find him. Harker, can you secure that door?” “I reckon wedges'd do it best.” “Then get on with it. I want us sealed in this light-house till morning”’ – at least Dicks does his best to recreate Louise Jameson’s bite on the phrase ‘But then, I’m only a Savage!’ and to show the Doctor’s actually quite fond of her
26 ‘Something wanted to make a detailed study of human anatomy. That's why it took Ben's body’
27 ‘Lord Palmerdale was killed by a massive electric shock. Ben, the engineer, died in exactly the same way’; ‘They found Harker's body sprawled by the generator. […] Leela looked at the body. “He is like the others?”’; ‘A tentacle lashed out, curling round Skinsale's body and there was a crackle of blue sparks’; ‘Immediately Vince went rigid, and blue sparks arced around his body’; and Adelaide – ‘Her back arched, she went rigid and blue sparks flamed round her body’. Only Reuben’s death is at all ambiguous and it’s likely the same
28 ‘But all is forgotten now. It is the early 1900s, and the age of science is in full swing’ – I like the choice of the word ‘swing’. Very evocative.
29 ‘With a savage grin of triumph, Leela turned and went back to the lamp room’ – Louise Jameson makes this positively joyous onscreen, but this lacks the childlikeness glee she brings to it
30 That’s all of it. No amount of context helps explain the choice of phrase.
31 ‘Primitive bipeds of no value’
32 ‘Adelaide let out a piercing shriek and immediately Leela slapped her face’
33 ‘She began to sob hysterically. Leela raised a threatening hand. “Enough!” Adelaide fell into a chair and buried her face in her hands’ AND ‘Adelaide jumped to her feet, opening her mouth to scream. Leela glared warningly at her’
34 The wonderful line: ‘In the early days of oil he'd have been saying there was nothing like a really large candle!’
35 ‘“'There's Frogs,” said Reuben. “And Ruskies. Germans too. Can't trust none of 'em”’
36 ‘“Incontrovertible,” said the Doctor politely. Reuben glowered at him. “Don't start talking in your own lingo neither, I won't have that”’
37 ‘Reuben scowled. A major power failure would have been a big point on his side’
38 The difference between a return to oil and the actual proposal of an oil-vapour system: ‘They'd been over this hundreds of times, but Reuben couldn't—or wouldn't—understand’
39 ‘“You ain't saying they might have done for Ben?” Pleased with the effect of his words Reuben said solemnly, “I'm saying there's strange doings here tonight, and for all we know them two strangers are at the bottom of it”’
40 ‘it marks the first real step since Planet of the Spiders to present the Doctor as thoroughly fallible, and the first time his fallibility has been defined in terms of its consequences for the people around him since The Massacre’
Elizabeth Sandifer, Tardis Eruditorum, eruditorumpress.com/blog/and-he-is-me-the-face-of-evil
Dicksisms
Pretty prosaic this time round: ‘there was a wheezing groaning sound and a square blue shape materialised out of the fog’ AND ‘There was a wheezing groaning noise, and the TARDIS vanished’
We’ve got to stop blaming the 1980s for this odd phrase: ‘The man was that mysterious traveller in Space and Time known as the Doctor’
Spot which word Dicks thinks might be beyond Target’s target demographic: ‘We are specially trained in the new metamorphosis techniques’ (chakoteya.net/DoctorWho/15-1.htm)/ ‘specially trained in the newly-developed shape-shifting techniques’
There’s a lovely bit of business when Harker’s boat is approaching the rocks. The Doctor leaves Leela operating the foghorn, an activity she at first enjoys (‘The deep booming note rang out, like the cry of a love-sick sea monster. Pleased with the effect, Leela pulled the lever again’) but quickly bores of. She then reflects that she’s ‘rather indignant the Doctor had managed to trick her into staying out of danger’, when, in fact, he hadn’t been thinking of her at all; he’d simply ‘had no intention of missing all the excitement’ and she was a convenient patsy to leave with a necessary task
Revenge of the Educational Remit
‘“on Pharos they had terrible trouble keeping the bonfire alight. Mind you, they had plenty of slaves to carry wood…” […] Vince didn't realise that the Doctor's visit to the famous Alexandrian lighthouse had taken place in the third century BC’
Height Attack
The Doctor’s ‘a tall man with wide inquisitive eyes and a tangle of curly hair’, Skinsale’s a ‘tall soldierly-looking man’. Even ‘Fang Rock lighthouse stands tall and strong’
Are You Sitting Comfortably..?
‘The three men who make up the crew go peacefully about their duties, unaware of the night of horror that lies before them, little knowing that they would soon be caught up in a strange and terrible conflict, with the fate of the Earth itself as the final stake’
‘The only sound was the thundering of the waves as they crashed on the jagged coast-line of Fang Rock... No one was left alive to hear them’
References I Didn’t Get
‘He fired off another Verey light’ – Dicks is cramming in those brand names again: ‘The most common type of flare gun is a Very (sometimes spelled Verey), which was named after Edward Wilson Very (1847–1910)’ (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flare_gun)
‘It's an early Schemurly!’ – a rocket for firing a line from ship to shore (cyber-heritage.co.uk/schermuly)
Miscellania
Apparently, Steven Moffatt holds ‘The Horror of Fang Rock’ up as one of the great Doctor Who titles (‘Moffat declared it to have the best title of any Doctor Who story ever, it's been singled out for praise on Doctor Who Confidential’; Elizabeth Sandifer, Tardis Eruditorum, eruditorumpress.com/blog/i-lived-everyone-else-died-the-horror-of-fang-rock); I’d argue that’s only true in retrospect, gaining a lot in 1983 when its title became evocative of Fraggle Rock
Rutan: ‘To be frank, he thought, it wasn't a pretty sight. In place of Reuben's form there was a huge, dimly
glowing gelatinous mass, internal organs pulsing gently inside the semi-transparent body. Somewhere near
the centre were huge many-faceted eyes, and a shapeless orifice that could have been a mouth’ AND ‘the
Rutan flowed on to the landing and sprang forward into the crew room. A tentacle lashed out, curling round
Skinsale's body’
‘Reuben climbed the stairs with agonising slowness, hauling himself up by the hand-rail’ – is that a reference
to the fact the Rutan’s used to using tentacles?
Rutan: ‘They must be studied, and eventually disposed of, it thought weakly’ – flaccid body, flaccid mind
‘Leela snatched the knife from her boot and hurled it with all her strength. It struck the monster's chest and
rebounded harmlessly’ – is it solid?
The Rutan might dismiss humans as ‘Primitive bipeds’ as ‘of no value’ on both screen and page, but it’s only
in the novelisation that this primitivism is diagnosed as somehow inherent to our evolution: ‘We can now abandon this unpleasantly primitive shape’ (‘We can abandon this ridiculous shape’ (chakoteya.net/DoctorWho/15-1.htm))
‘“Silence, fat one. You will do as the Doctor instructs, or I will cut out your heart.” […] The Doctor smiled. Perhaps there was something to be said for Leela's methods of persuasion’ – and so the Doctor’s hypocrisy is laid bare
Leela is remarkably persistent when it comes to ignoring the dangers of looking at the exploding Rutan ship, doing so once before they escape the lamp-room (‘“whatever you do, don't look back!” […] Leela couldn't resist turning back for a final look. The fireball was so close it seemed about to smash through the lamp-room window. Its brightness almost blinded her...’) and then again, despite having been almost blinded, once safely outside (‘Leela peeped over the rock. The fireball seemed to be hovering over the lighthouse tower... A thin beam of light speared out from the tower at the Rutan ship. The fireball glowed brighter and brighter, the noise rose to a screaming crescendo—there was a blinding flash, a colossal explosion, and Leela fell back’), seemingly at some length. It’s as if she wanted her eyes to change colour