Doctor Who's Putrid Ham
A quest through the Dr Who novelisations
"The excellent ham of Doctor Who is more than a little off"
1974 Times Literary Supplement review of Doctor Who and the Crusaders (quoted from David J Howe's The Target Book)
"Mike Yates finished off his beer. “Really,” he said, “what does it matter?”"
DOCTOR WHO AND THE DÆMONS
by Barry Letts
First published 17 October 1974 (1), between Planet of the Spiders and Robot (2)
Height Attack
Azal is 'getting on for thirty feet tall'
It’s not exactly groundbreaking to point out that the heart of Doctor Who and the Dæmons is the divide between science and magic (3). The Doctor and Miss Hawthorne stand as cheerleader for each discipline, but it’s quickly clear that they’re barely distinguishable – Hawthorne’s concept of ‘the Psychological Moment’ is clearly echoed by the Doctor’s ‘right moment’ to act (4), Benton even groaning that the one is exactly like the other, and they’re both happy to exploit the faith of others by pretending to cast a spell (5), though Hawthorne’s use of ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’ might take on a new tinge when it later turns out it really is a powerful incantation if spoken backwards (6).
El Sandifer suggests this blurring of the lines, where ‘traditional occultism is in fact extremely advanced technology’, is Letts’s goal, and that’s why ‘Miss Hawthorne ends up winning her debate with the Doctor over science vs magic’ (7) through her assertion that ‘she couldn’t see where the difference lay’ between psionic force control and black magic (8). Certainly, Letts puts a lot of work into presenting science as no less beyond human comprehension than magic, even if you’re a quite advanced scientist like Osgood (9), filled with special jargon whose power rests in recitation rather than understanding, such as the Doctor insisting his device for getting through the heat barrier is ‘as simple as Einstein’s Special Theory of Relativity!’ (10). What’s more, he makes an effort to suggest science is riddled with gaps where the world achieves what it cannot describe, whether Bok’s ‘defiance of the Laws of Physics’ (11) or the hoary old chestnut that ‘according to classical aerodynamics, it’s impossible for a bumble bee to fly’ (12).
Once Miss Hawthorne’s free to start dismissing people for the twin crimes of being ‘“modern”’ and ‘rational’ (13) and allowed to compliment the Brigadier for becoming ‘ready to listen to reason’ when he resigns to letting her try a bit of magic on Bok (14), all with the narrative seemingly on her side, it begins to look like this really is going to be a hatchet job. However, Letts then specifically avoids showing that one stated attempt at magic actually working (15) (admittedly, he doesn’t show it not working either, and there is a dignity to the fact Miss Hawthorne knows she hasn’t done anything, but it’s quite weak stacked up against all the other times seeming magic has been revealed as a trick), suggesting that he’s not quite ready to throw science under the bus marked ‘but magic is just science you don’t understand’.
Science and magic are carefully kept distinct. Magic involves a consideration of ‘The working of the human soul’ (16) while science involves the application of specialised knowledge such that, while Osgood does struggle with the concepts behind the Doctor’s machine, he can reflect that the Doctor would struggle to achieve his results in ‘breeding racing pigeons’ (17). Furthermore, Osgood is shown to reach an understanding of how to build the machine from first principles, finding it ‘Absurdly simple’ once he makes this breakthrough (18), whilst it appears each magical incantation must be learnt from scratch, hence Miss Hawthorne’s power derives from her excellent library (19). Letts could have chosen to have Osgood simply build the machine by following the Doctor’s instructions – that he insists Osgood actually develops an understanding of how the machine works suggests he really is on science’s side.
Understanding seems to be key here. In the face of Miss Hawthorne’s blind and continual insistence that events in Devil’s End are all magical, Jo’s asking ‘How can you stop it without knowing what it is?’ (20) is vital. Miss Hawthorne is right – the story concedes that magic is basically the remnants of Dæmon technology (21) – but that’s irrelevant. Recognising magic doesn’t solve anything. What’s more, magic is the problem. At the end, the Doctor laments that mankind’s actually kind of broken (22), but his defence of humanity rests on the fact that’s not mankind’s fault. The problem is that people have been able to advance beyond their own understanding, leading to humanity ‘very near to killing their own planet’ and the fault for that lies squarely with Azal.
Yes, magic is just the Dæmons’ science, and so the two disciplines are the same, but magic is ‘remnants’, scraps uncovered because they’ve left some trace, whereas science develops, ‘knowledge’ and ‘wisdom’ working in tandem to advance what is already understood (23). Science, basically, is earned and that’s why the Doctor and, it seems Letts, baldly state that ‘there can’t be a magical solution’ to humanity’s problems, just slow, steady and difficult progress (24).
Lettsisms
‘The Doctor didn’t even hear him. He was too concerned with the large disturbing bell sounding in his mind. Devil’s End? Where had he heard the name before?’ – Is that Barry Letts’s idea of something ringing a bell?
But boy does Letts have a spectacular turn of phrase. Examples include:
‘the curse whose origin was lost in the morning of time’
‘Her hair, recently disciplined, was asserting its freedom and shedding hairpins around her as she panted to a standstill’
‘That such a creature could exist in all his savage beauty was wonder enough, but here, it would seem, staring back at him with his gleaming red eyes, was the living symbol of all the mysteries of evil, the Devil himself’
‘Flickering shadows animated the carvings on the rock walls, some dating back to Roman times, some more recent, but all depicting the secret ceremonies of the old witch religion, literally thrust into the darkness of the underground by the light of Christianity’
Leftie Who
Letts knows which way morals swing in the Doctor Who range: ‘“Decadence. That’s what I can see on every side. All this talk of democracy, equality, freedom. What this country needs is decision, power, strength. Strong men, men of power, men of decision; men like you, Winstanley” No getting away from it, he was a sensible chap’ – obviously, the fact that this is the Master talking tells you this is an ethically-challenged point of view but it’s also blindly ill-informed common-sense attitude of ‘No getting away from it’ and the tone of privilege that drips from ‘sensible chap’ that really hammers home the repugnance of these people.
Are You Sitting Comfortably..?
There’s a strange but lovely bit of child’s-eye view going on towards the end through Stan, allowing the novelisation to imitate ‘Stories of the Moonfleet ilk’ where a ‘rite-of-passage’ tale is rendered as a child discovering ‘Evil Grown-Ups’ in a way Tat Wood and Lawrence Miles in About Time 2 suggest ‘Doctor Who can’t pull off as anything other than pantomime’ - ‘If Bert was a member, and he’d never known it, then anybody he met might be’.
What Letts does really wonderfully is combine a perspective that can only find confusion in the adult world of things like sex (‘Magic! It was difficult to believe that he was mixed up in it. He’d always heard tell of secrets not to be spoken out loud; of the love-spells and recipes for potions, for instance, which the girls whispered to each other when the menfolk weren’t around—pretended to laugh at them they did, with their mini-skirts and their perfume, but Stan knew better’) with very mature and mundane motives for Stan’s attraction to the occult (‘Get anything he wanted, Tom said, when he’d learnt how. Didn’t want to kill nobody, though he wouldn’t mind making old Prune-face jump a bit, putting up the rent like that. His Mam hadn’t cried so much since Dad died. Last straw, like. No, he knew what he wanted. Just enough money to put down on a cottage, and a good job so that his Mam wouldn’t have to go out scrubbing no more. What was the good of being an apprentice? Learning a trade! Huh! Cheap labour for Uncle Tom, more like’).
1 http://tardis.wikia.com/wiki/Doctor_Who_and_the_Dæmons
2 http://epguides.com/DoctorWho
3 ‘“You’re being deliberately obtuse, Doctor. We are dealing with the supernatural, I tell you. The Occult! Magic!” The Doctor shook his head. “Science,” he said. “Magic” “Science, Miss Hawthorne.” Mike Yates finished off his beer. “Really,” he said, “what does it matter?”’
4 ‘“There is such a thing as the Psychological Moment, Sergeant,” answered Miss Hawthorne’
‘“Sorry, Doc, I mean, Doctor. Wait? What for?” “The right moment.” Benton groaned. Another of them!’
5 ‘“But you don’t believe in magic.” Jo’s voice was still trembling. “I don’t, no. But he did, fortunately!” “So that was some sort of spell that you said?” “He thought it was. That’s why he ran way. Actually it was the first line of a Venusian lullaby. Roughly translated, it goes, “Close your eyes, my darling; well, three of them at least””’
‘“Magic,” said Miss Hawthorne scornfully, “that wasn’t magic. I wouldn’t waste good witchcraft on him.” “What was it, then?” “An infusion of a herbal analgesic—about as powerful as a couple of aspirin.” “And the spell?” “Pure suggestion to increase the placebo effect.” “I beg your pardon?” “He believed it was a spell too, you see. As a matter of fact, I was reciting—“Mary Had a Little Lamb””’
6 ‘The Master was nearing the end of his incantation “...DNAW ONSSA ETIHW SAWECE ELFSTIB! MALELT TILAD AHYRAM!”’
7 ‘there's a scientific explanation for the Devil and he's really just an alien. But, equally crucially, Miss Hawthorne ends up winning her debate with the Doctor over science vs magic by saying that the Doctor's account of what the Master is doing is wholly consistent with her claim that magic works. This is a story that revels in the gap introduced by the observation that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic, using this to assert that traditional occultism is in fact extremely advanced technology’
Elizabeth Sandifer, Tardis Eruditorum, http://www.eruditorumpress.com/blog/the-evil-has-no-name-the-daemons/
8 ‘“He uses violent emotions—greed; hatred; fear; the emotions of a group of ordinary human beings, whipped up to an extraordinarily high level. They generate a tremendous charge of psycho-kinetic energy, which the Master channels for his own purposes.” Miss Hawthorne pushed a straying lock of hair from her eyes. “But that is magic,” she said, “that’s precisely what black magic is!” “No, Miss Hawthorne. It’s science. The secret science of the Dæmons!” “Are you trying to tell me that the rituals, the invocations—indeed the Sabbat itself—are just so much windowdressing?” She was trembling all over with frustration and indignation. The Doctor put a calming hand on her arm. “No, no. They’re essential—to generate and control the psionic forces—and thereby control the Dæmon himself.” Miss Hawthorne digested this. For the life of her, she couldn’t see where the difference lay...’
9 ‘Osgood could not stop his feelings from spilling over. “If you push 10,000 volts through this lash-up, you’ll blow it, anyway,” he complained. “Just do what you’re told, Sergeant,” said the Brigadier calmly. “The Doctor knows what he’s doing.” “Yes, sir,” replied the Sergeant, obviously not believing a word of it’
10 '“Good grief, man,” exploded the Doctor, “it’s as simple as Einstein’s Special Theory of Relativity!”’ – I can just about see how general relativity might be applicable to their problem (just about) but not special, suggesting that the choice of phrase comes from the word ‘special’ carrying a greater sense of importance than ‘general’, especially in contrast with the rather patronising ‘simple’
11 After blowing up Bok: ‘All the pieces of stone were rising from the ground, in complete defiance of the Laws of Physics’
12 ‘“Sergeant Osgood,” replied the Doctor, gently, “according to classical aerodynamics, it’s impossible for a bumble bee to fly! Let’s get on with it, shall we?”’
13 ‘“Why should I believe you?” she gasped, her voice trembling. “A “modern” man are you? A rational man? I’ll tell you what you are, sir. You are a fool!”’ – yes, it has to be acknowledged that she says this to the Master and he in fact does know exactly what’s going on but her criticism stands against all those who have wrought havoc by blindly pressing on with the excavation at Devil’s End.
14 ‘“And now perhaps,” she went on infuriatingly, “you’ll be ready to listen to reason”’
15 We never get to see any actual vindication of Miss Hawthorne: ‘“It worked!” said Benton. But Miss Hawthorne knew better. “He hadn’t even attacked,” she said, sounding almost disappointed’
16 ‘The working of the human soul is my subject, after all. As a witch, I am an expert’ - That’s not the same as just harnessing emotion
17 ‘He wouldn’t find it so flaming easy to understand Osgood’s scheme for breeding racing pigeons using cross-linked characteristics like the shape of the flight feathers and the bird’s speed’
18 ‘Analogous to the principle of the laser, the Doctor had said. How could it be? The two things were entirely different. The man was just a... hang on... if you took the oscillator signal through a series of tuned circuits... Suddenly excited, the Sergeant pulled out his pad and started sketching possible ways of doing it. Of course, of course! Absurdly simple. Why hadn’t he seen before?’
19 ‘You have the pick of the finest collection of occult material in the country there’
20 ‘“How can you stop it without knowing what it is?” said Jo indignantly’
21 ‘all the magical traditions are just the remnants of the Dæmons’
22 ‘you must admit that mankind doesn’t look a very successful species at the moment’
23 ‘“Without the gifts of the Dæmons,” retorted the Doctor, “man would have had a chance to develop at his own pace; a chance to develop the wisdom to control his knowledge”’
24 ‘At last it looks as if the people of Earth are beginning to see that they have come very near to killing their own planet. But there can’t be a magical solution. They’ve got to find the answer for themselves’
Revenge of the Educational Remit
‘“I think I see,” said Mike, slowly. “It’s like the gas in a ’fridge. When it expands, it takes heat from the inside, so the food and stuff gets cold...” “... and when the gas is compressed again, it gives heat off, so that radiator thing at the back of the refrigerator gets warm!” Sergeant Benton beamed with pleasure at his own cleverness’
Miscellania
‘Doctor Who was a happy man’ – STOP IT!
‘It had been a very dull evening at UNIT Headquarters: a rumour from Hampshire of a monster which turned out to be a Jersey cow on a spree; the usual crop of UFO sightings just after closing time; a report of little green men in Tooting (“Why are they always green?” said Benton. “These hoaxers haven’t got any imagination!”)’ – is that a dig at Uncle Tel?
Remember kids!: ‘If only she had put on her seat-belt!’
Poor old Brig: ‘The wretched man obviously had a totally closed mind’
‘The Dæmon’s eyes seemed to look into the depth of the Doctor’s mind. “You have a regard for the truth,” he boomed. “Why do you lie?” The Doctor shrugged. “To try to make you listen to me.” “Why should I? I have listened and you have lied to me. Why should I listen further?”’ – he’s got a point. Why exactly has the Doctor gone straight for threats before attempting argument, which incidentally Azal had craved?
The Doctor
You get the feeling no one was quite entirely sold on Jon Pertwee’s interpretation of the Doctor. Dicks makes him rather less Jason King than on TV, Hulke puts him in a frock coat and Letts conjures a far more eccentric figure: ‘“You sound happy,” she said. “You must be very sure this idea of yours will work.” The Doctor looked surprised. “I was singing because... oh, because the sky is blue, I suppose.” “But the Dæmon... and the end of the world and all?” “Oh, yes, of course, the end of the world. But that’s not now. That would be tomorrow—or this evening—or in five minutes’ time. And right now, the sky is blue. Just look at it!”’
And then there’s the oddness of the phrase ‘If it were to turn out to be a monster it simply became a question of whether the anteater’s tongue was longer than the jelly baby’ – presumably the iconography comes from Patrick Troughton in The Three Doctors. But could it be from Robot. Have they made Robot yet? You can tell this lot cast Tom Baker and not Pertwee.
The Master
As is now par for the course, the Master is obsessed with killing the Doctor: ‘he would be witness to the fulfilment of one of his lesser ambitions—the death of his old enemy, the Doctor’ (no, I’m not convinced by ‘lesser ambitions’, ‘his old enemy’ makes the Doctor sound too special to him). But then twice seems deflated when he thinks he’s succeeded: ‘he was experiencing a twinge of regret’ and ‘The Master’s smile faded. So. It was done! It had to be done and now it was done’ - not very happy when he thinks he’s achieved anything, is he?
Then there’s all the odd glimpses into the Time Lords’ shared past: ‘They had not always been enemies. In the early days at school they had been playmates. Even later, though their paths diverged, a friendly rivalry had been as far apart as they would allow themselves to go’ and the positively wistful ‘The time they played truant together, ‘borrowed’ the Senior Tutor’s skimmer and went on an unauthorised visit to the Paradise Islands; the time he fooled the High Council of the Time Lords into thinking it was the Doctor who had put glue on the President’s perigosto stick; the time the Doctor saved his life by... He shook his head fiercely. This was no time for weakness’