Doctor Who's Putrid Ham
A quest through the Dr Who novelisations
"The excellent ham of Doctor Who is more than a little off"
1974 Times Literary Supplement review of Doctor Who and the Crusaders (quoted from David J Howe's The Target Book)
"burrowing like metal moles, deep into the Earth’s crust!"
DOCTOR WHO AND THE DALEK INVASION OF EARTH
by Terrance Dicks
Perhaps because it only became well-loved with ‘The Five Doctors’in 1983, Dicks fillets the Doctor’s farewell speech to Susan (3). Gone is any mention, quite sensibly by 1977, of his ever coming back, instead he advises the couple to ‘Be kind’ and that ‘life on Earth can be an adventure too’ (4).
Extraordinarily, or maybe not considering how fundamental Dicks was to most people’s childhood experiences of Who, this echoes forwards to Peter Capaldi’s closing speech as the 12th Doctor (14th Doctor?), his final advice to his successor to ‘be kind’ (5). It’s also reminiscent of the credo of much of the Russell T Davies years, most transparently Eccleston’s insistence in ‘Father’s Day’: ‘Who said you’re not important? […] Street corner, two in the morning, getting a taxi home. I’ve never had a life like that’ (6).
This isn’t entirely accidental. The Doctor also insists ‘love’s the thing’, aligning himself far more with 1960s youth culture than you might expect of Hartnell in his first year (7). However, the very next broadcast story, at least according to Tat Wood and Lawrence Miles, sees the Hartnell suddenly becoming ‘exactly the kind of Doctor we all sort-of-remember him being’ (8) and aligning himself far more conspiratorially with his new ‘“hip” in a specifically 1960s way’ companion (9) in a way he never did with Susan. Dicks is just letting that transformation bleed back a bit.
However, he’s still a long way off being a thoroughly modern Doctor. For a start, there’s a strange obsession with the Doctor’s authority that runs through the book, from the point when ‘Craddock found himself obeying [the Doctor] without question’ (10), through Tyler’s reflection that ‘if we stick together long enough I’ll learn to do what you say the first time’ (11), to the way the Doctor is ‘Very much in command’ by the end (12). While none of this is especially odd for the Pertwee/Baker years, when the Doctor regularly assumes command through force of personality, Doctor Who and the Dalek Invasion of Earth sees him seek it as his right rather than as a necessity of perilous situations.
On TV, the Doctor gets quite upset when Susan questions his plan of action in deference to David (13), but his behaviour is even worse in the novelisation, parroting Susan’s interrupted line ‘David says’ back at her ‘savagely’, allowing his ‘autocratic side’ to show (14). The book also shows David much more knowingly salving the Doctor’s ego, not just asking for the Doctor’s advice as the ‘senior member of the party’ (15), but grinning at Susan as he does so and replacing the simple recognition of age with a call on the Doctor’s ‘superior experience’ (16), the very thing Susan identifies David as having in the TV script (17). Placated by the younger man’s flattery, the Doctor decides David must be ‘a sensible chap’ and agrees to his plan, suggesting the one about returning to the Tardis was never especially better in the first place – this isn’t authority based on knowledge and experience but on social hierarchy.
This isn’t the only time Dicks suggests the first Doctor’s arrogance is actually petulant and problematic. When he delivers his speech to the Dalek that comes out of the river, taunting it that it will have to ‘destroy every living being’ before it can have conquered Earth (18), the novelisation reveals how Ian has ‘closed his eyes and held his breath, mentally willing the Doctor to shut up’ (19). This moment is often lauded as when the Doctor’s willingness to take a stand against the oppressor crystallises (20), but Dicks recasts it as a moment of arrogant stupidity that endangers the life of his companion. What’s more, Ian’s definitely right to worry – it later transpires that the Doctor’s little speech was what prompted the Daleks to take a particular interest in him and test him for robotisation (21).
Mind you, if Dicks is rubbishing the idea that drawing attention to yourself is heroic, that’s nothing compared with his attitude to defeatists who seek to avoid confronting the Daleks altogether. Mick Thomson, who tries to leg it the moment he appears, dies immediately. His mate Craddock, who sits ‘moping’ rather than trying to escape (22), gets quickly recaptured, robotised then killed. Baker, who’s been doing quite well through the opening chapters, dies the moment he decides make off on his own for the Cornish coast (23), and he doesn’t even get the tacit approval of David for his plan as he does on TV (24). It feels like Dicks is having a go at the idea of desertion, removing David’s suggestion that he won’t run away because ‘things aren’t made better by running away’ (25) and instead emphasising his loyalty to ‘my world. My Earth’ (26).
There are seeming exceptions to all this. Larry might fit the pattern, interested only in finding his brother and dying as soon as his quest is over, but Phil was on an active mission to find out what the Daleks were up to (27) and, presumably, fight them, and he still gets robotised and dies. The clue might lie in the other exception – Dortmun, who’s also dedicated to the fight but ends up dead.
Maybe, the problem with Dortmun is that he’s on a personal crusade, motivated by a desire to prove his bombs (28). With this in mind, Phil’s sin might be a similar hubris. Dicks changes one small detail about Phil’s operation – rather than simply ‘working at the mine’ (29), he more actively ‘got himself sent to the mines on purpose’ (30). Considering how easily we see others sneak about the mines without getting themselves captured, especially Ian and Larry, maybe Phil’s problem was, like the Doctor, unnecessarily drawing attention to himself. And, like the Doctor, he was presumably too full of himself to see the danger coming when he passed the Roboman test, assuming his to be a level of ‘human intellect’ (31) the Daleks couldn’t have anticipated.
So the question isn’t why Phil dies but why didn’t the Doctor. There’s a lovely bit near the start of the book when, the Tardis trapped under a load of rubble, he and Ian seek a solution. The Doctor is shown to adopt an expectant tone as if he’s waiting for Ian to catch up with his own ideas when really he has ‘no idea what to do next’ (32). The passage focuses on the Doctor’s exasperating trait, but it also reveals his reliance on his companions. He might not be willing to ask for help, but he knows that he needs it, much like how he regurgitated David’s plan once he’s been shown the respect he feels he’s due.
Everyone who succeeds in this story finds themselves part of a team: Jenny sticks with Barbara, David, Susan, the Doctor and Tyler eventually coalesce, even Ian has Wells’s help to thank for sneaking around the mines uncaught and finally finding himself inside the Dalek bomb. This reading has the advantage of elevating Susan and David’s relationship from a necessary bit of house-keeping crowbarred into the story to the culmination of its main theme. The budding of their romance is written in such a way as to reinforce that resonance, with Susan realising she has ‘grown to rely on David’ (33), and David realising he doesn’t ‘want them to be separated’ (34).
The story isn’t so much an attack on desertion as a warning on the perils of going it alone. The Daleks may see Man as nothing but ‘an insignificant specimen of life scarcely worth conquering’ (35), but their final defeat comes when the robomen and the mine-workers rise up together. The answer to even the worst of times is to recognise your co-dependence, throw your fate in with others and take collective action. Maybe this is the point when Leftie Who’s going to start pulling ahead..?
Revenge of the Educational Remit
Remember the wars in the twentieth century, Dortmun, when men with bayonets attacked machine-gun posts? They got mown down, defeated by superior technology’
Proto-L’Officier
‘Once, though it seemed a very long time ago, they had both been schoolteachers. Led by their curiosity about Susan, the youngest member of the party, then one of their pupils, they had followed her home […] Then had begun a series of terrifying journeys through Time and Space’
1 tardis.wikia.com/wiki/Doctor_Who_and_the_Dalek_Invasion_of_Earth_(novelisation)
3 your future lies with David, and not with a silly old buffer like me. One day, I shall come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then, there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs, and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine
chakoteya.net/DoctorWho/2-2.htm
4 ‘Look after her, David, my boy. Be kind. Work hard both of you. You’ll find that life on Earth can be an adventure too […] Now then, both of you, no regrets. And look to the future. Remember, both of you, love’s the thing. That’s what really counts. Goodbye’
5 Laugh hard, run fast, be kind. Doctor, I let you go
chakoteya.net/DoctorWho/36-13.html
6 SARAH: I don't know what this is all about, and I know we're not important.
DOCTOR: Who said you're not important? I've travelled to all sorts of places, done things you couldn't even imagine, but you two. Street corner, two in the morning, getting a taxi home. I've never had a life like that. Yes. I'll try and save you.
chakoteya.net/DoctorWho/27-8.htm
7 And ‘The Dalek Invasion of Earth’, despite when it was broadcast, was still part of the first year: ‘The completion of Flashpoint on October 23rd marked the end of Doctor Who's first recording block’
Shannon Sullivan, A Brief History of Time (Travel), shannonsullivan.com/drwho/serials/k.html
8 ‘suddenly, Hartnell is exactly the kind of Doctor we all sort-of-remember him being’
Tat Wood & Lawrence Miles, About Time 1
9 Vicki ‘comes across as being quite “hip” in a specifically 1960s way’
Tat Wood & Lawrence Miles, About Time 1
10 ‘Such was the confidence and authority in the Doctor’s voice that Craddock found himself obeying without question’
11 ‘Tyler shook his head ruefully. “I suppose if we stick together long enough I’ll learn to do what you say the first time”’
12 ‘Very much in command, the Doctor bustled his party up the ladder’
13 DOCTOR: Do you question my authority, child?
SUSAN: No, Grandfather, it's not that at all. It's just that David says
DOCTOR: You seem to place more reliance on that young man's word than mine, don't you.
chakoteya.net/DoctorWho/2-2.htm
14 ‘The autocratic side of the Doctor’s nature came to the fore. “Are you questioning my authority, child?” “No, but David says...” “David says, David says,” mimicked the Doctor savagely’
15 SUSAN: So what's our next move?
DAVID: Oh, I don't know. What would you suggest, sir?
DOCTOR: Ah. Hmm. Me?
DAVID: Well, you're the senior member of the party, sir, and I would be grateful for your help.
DOCTOR: Yes, well, er, yes, yes, of course, young man
chakoteya.net/DoctorWho/2-2.htm
16 ‘He grinned reassuringly at Susan and turned back to the Doctor. “I wanted to ask you— what would you suggest as our next move?” The Doctor sat bolt upright. “Me? Why do you ask me?” “You’re the senior member of the party, sir. Naturally, I’d like the benefit of your superior experience.” The Doctor beamed. Clearly this young fellow David was a sensible chap after all’
17 SUSAN: Oh, Grandfather, it's not that. It's simply that he lives in this time. He understands the situation.
chakoteya.net/DoctorWho/2-2.htm
18 ‘Don’t you pathetic creatures realise? You’ll never conquer Earth, not unless you destroy every living being—’
19 ‘The Doctor folded his arms and glared defiantly at the Dalek. Ian closed his eyes and held his breath, mentally willing the Doctor to shut up’
20 ‘The Dalek emerge [sic] from the Thames, and within a few minutes, even though the Daleks do not recognize the Doctor as The Doctor and thus as their arch-nemesis, they're terrified of him’
Elizabeth Sandifer, Tardis Eruditorum, eruditorumpress.com/blog/they-always-survive-while-i-lose-everything-the-dalek-invasion-of-earth
21 ‘“He defied us, spoke of resistance. His words betrayed superior intelligence and determination.” […] Unaware that he was the subject of a Dalek experiment, the Doctor was chatting to his fellow-prisoners […] “He has passed the escape test. Take him […] He will be robotised”’
And just to make sure the reader doesn’t read this as an example of how the Doctor throws himself into situations in a way that gives him a better chance of victory, we get an insight into the Doctor’s ‘fully alert’ mind at the culmination of all he’s wrought. His grand plan as he lies paralysed on the conversion table? – ‘Surely something would turn up to save him’.
22 ‘“Our task is to escape,” said the Doctor sharply. “You’ll do no good sitting here moping.” “And you’ll do no good fooling yourself,” growled Craddock. “Once the Daleks have got you, that’s it!”’
23 ‘Baker, a burly, taciturn character, was clearly some-thing of a loner. “No, the bigger the group, the bigger the risk. I’ll make for the Cornish coast” […] He disappeared up the stairs, and they heard his footsteps moving along the cobbles of the alleyway. Suddenly a metallic voice shouted, “Halt!” […] As both Daleks advanced towards him, Baker dropped his rifle and raised his hands. The second Dalek screeched, “Exterminate!” Both Daleks fired at once’
24 BAKER: A large group won't stand a chance. I thought I'd try on my own. I'll make for the Cornish coast. It's deserted down there. Not much for the Daleks.
DAVID: It's a good idea.
chakoteya.net/DoctorWho/2-2.htm
25 DAVID: Look, things aren't made better by running away.
SUSAN: Well, it's suicide to stay here.
DAVID: This is my planet! I just can't run off and see what it's like on Venus!
chakoteya.net/DoctorWho/2-2.htm
26 David: ‘This is my world. My Earth. I can’t just leave it, clear off somewhere else’
27 ‘He reckoned if we knew what the Daleks were doing we’d stand a better chance of defeating them […] Phil sent back just one message from the mines. He’d worked out some kind of theory... he reckoned the Daleks were drilling to reach the magnetic core of the Earth...’
28 ‘Dortmun’s keen to make an immediate attack on the Daleks. He’s got a new type of bomb he wants to test’
29 LARRY: My brother Phil's working at the mine, and he said if we can find out what the Daleks are up to, we might be able to beat them.
chakoteya.net/DoctorWho/2-2.htm
30 ‘Phil got himself sent to the mines on purpose’
31 ‘“They have only contempt for human intellect,” said the Doctor sharply. “And if all their prisoners are like you, I’m not so sure they’re wrong...”’
32 ‘“Easier said than done, my boy. One can’t just whistle up machinery and tools at a moment’s notice.” The Doctor looked at Ian with an infuriating air of expectancy. His manner suggested that he already had the answer to the problem, and was waiting to see if Ian could work it out for himself. Since Ian had a shrewd suspicion that the Doctor had no idea what to do next, he found this attitude particularly annoying. Ian glanced about him’
33 ‘Somehow she had grown to rely on David, to trust his judgement in every crisis. She felt safe when they were together. That was why she didn’t want to leave him. Perhaps there were other reasons too...’
34 ‘David heard raised voices, and listened to the last stages of the argument. He paused at the head of the cellar steps, realising he would have to move carefully. He was getting very fond of Susan, and he didn’t want them to be separated’
35 ‘The Daleks have no interest in Man as such. He’s just […] an insignificant specimen of life scarcely worth conquering’
Dicksisms
‘Through the ruin of a city stalked the ruin of a man’ – a great opening line, and Dicks is clearly happy with it because it’s back about five lines later alongside a little explanation of why it’s effective: ‘The robot man moved through the shattered rubble of a once-great city, a fitting inhabitant of a nightmare landscape’
‘There was a wheezing, groaning sound and suddenly a square blue police box materialised out of thin air, light flashing busily on top’
First Victoria and now Susan is ‘a dark pretty girl in her teens’ – I quite admire Dicks’s campaign to recast past companions as Bame
And his desire to make a low boredom threshold the key character trait of all companions: ‘Susan was no longer with them. She’d grown bored with the conversation of her elders’
But what is his obsession with people delivering orders?: ‘Ian was about to order her down’
‘Ian looked at the Doctor. For all his tetchiness, he was certainly a game old boy’ – I don’t think anyone else would write that sentence
‘The Dalek was both astonished and enraged by this defiance’ – Dicks just won’t let this lie. See also ‘The group of Daleks outside the museum’s main door seemed frozen in astonishment as Dortmun appeared in the doorway’ and ‘The Dalek stopped, eye-stalk swivelling round in astonishment’
‘a scanner showed the old vehicle trundling along the lane like some bright orange bug’ – how is that a useful or evocative simile?
‘they are, burrowing like metal moles, deep into the Earth’s crust!’ – and again
Tory Who
‘One corner was sectioned off into a kind of canteen, where women and girls were preparing food’ – why is it specifically women and girls preparing the food? David suggests the only reason he’s not helping is because his ‘cooking’s terrible’, but it seems a bit of a coincidence that that’s true of every male survivor. ‘I hope you can cook’ is also pretty much the first thing he says on being introduced to a woman. Susan’s got a lovely time ahead of her…
Miscellania
Dicks performs a bit of corrective surgery on Dalek history: ‘“The Daleks were destroyed. We were there on Skaro, we saw it happen.” Sadly the Doctor shook his head. “The devastation may not have been as complete as we imagined. The Daleks have incredible tenacity, tremendous powers of survival. There may have been other colonies, on other parts of Skaro...”’
‘“Anyway, however it happened, the Daleks have survived. And they’ve evolved too.” Ian studied one of the Daleks as it glided past. “I see what you mean. These do look a bit different”’ – that’s decidedly unspecific
‘They’ve found ways to adapt themselves to new planets. Something on the hover-craft principle I should imagine’ – surely their problem wasn’t how to move but how to power themselves?
When Jenny wants to help David find Ian and the Doctor, Susan replies: ‘what good we can do...’ – has Dicks only seen ‘The Reign of Terror’ or something?
You have to take a medical to become a Roboman: ‘the Doctor was subjected to a variety of measuring devices which had recorded his bloodpressure, his temperature, the electrical activity of the brain, and indeed his total physical condition. The Robotising process was elaborate and time-consuming, and the Daleks did not care to waste it on subjects who might ruin everything by dying on them’
‘Ian realised he was fighting not a man but a machine’ – we’ve had a lot of reanimated dead folk lately, and all with a much stronger insistence than on TV that the human personality is easy to wipe: Doctor Who and the Seeds of Doom, Doctor Who and the Pyramids of Mars, Doctor Who and the Web of Fear… O look, Doctor Who and the Ark in Space is coming up soon. How will they insist Noah has no glimmer of his old personality left when it’s key to resolving the plot?
When Ian and Larry get rid of Craddock’s body down the disposal chute, there’s ‘a powerful suction dragging them towards the opening’ even though it’s only later that ‘The Dalek spacecraft lifted slowly from the Heliport’ – what causes the suction? And then later, Ian uses the chute to escape the ship: ‘“how do we get out of here?” Larry nodded towards the corner of the room, where there was the usual disposal chute’. Does that mean Craddock’s body just plopped outside in Chelsea in front of everyone?
‘The waxwork, naturally enough, didn’t move. Another Dalek examined it more closely. “It is a sub-cultural effigy”’ – a slight tweak on:
(The women hide behind a milk float as the Dalek talks to a tailor's dummy)
DALEK: Who are you? Subcultural.
chakoteya.net/DoctorWho/2-2.htm
As far as I’m aware, subcultures are groups who are invested in non-mainstream works or ideas and seek to assert their difference from predominant conventions. I suppose it would make sense for Daleks to use this as some sort of insult but it’s interesting they are aware of the concept in the first place. It also seems they would view Madame Tussauds as a kind of subcultural temple, which is… odd
A strangely sardonic take on the Dalek invasion: ‘Some of the vehicles had still been in use in Barbara’s day, and she wondered what had replaced them in this future age. Had Londoners ever solved their traffic problem? If they hadn’t, thought Barbara, remembering the empty streets, the Daleks had certainly dealt with it for them’
A little insight into Barbara’s former life: ‘Barbara checked over the engine. She’d run her own little car in her teaching days, and had learned the basics of car-maintenance just to save on garage bills’
And a worrying insight into her attitudes: ‘It was clear from their close resemblance that they were mother and daughter. Barbara told herself that she was wrong to feel repelled by them. They were poor and ignorant that was all’
Tyler provides some coffee: ‘It was jet black, milkless and sugarless, but still delicious’ – was black coffee really so remarkable to 1960s Brits?
Apparently, beneath the Earth’s crust is ‘living energy’, and that’s not the man who confesses to being ‘no scientist’ talking
‘the molten core will be released. We will then control the flow until all the gravitational and magnetic forces in the Earth’s core are eliminated. I shall now announce to Dalek Earthforce the near completion of Project De-gravitate’ – um…
‘Once the core is removed we shall replace it with a power system. This will enable us to pilot the planet anywhere in the Universe’ – what sort of power system?