Doctor Who's Putrid Ham
A quest through the Dr Who novelisations
"The excellent ham of Doctor Who is more than a little off"
1974 Times Literary Supplement review of Doctor Who and the Crusaders (quoted from David J Howe's The Target Book)
"We have learned to control our past"
DOCTOR WHO AND THE CURSE OF PELADON
by Brian Hayles
First published 16 January 1975 (1), between Robot Parts Three and Four (2)
As someone who’s never quite got ‘The Curse of Peladon’, the first thing I did on reading the novelisation was pettily pick up on how Hayles seizes on the range of colours available to him now he’s not writing for colour television, detailing Alpha Centauri’s ‘iridescent turquoise body’ (3) and the way he changes colour to reflect his mood (4). That said, this is actually a key part of Hayles’s emphasis on the alienness of the characters - Alpha Centauri is ‘single-footed like a sea anemone’ and ‘strangely beautiful’; Arcturus resembles ‘a robot rather than an alien life-form’ and is seemingly composed of ganglions suspended in fluid (5) - and extends to their attitudes towards each other: Centauri feels ‘an indescribable feeling of unease’ looking upon Arcturus. It’s no surprise that Jo’s initial reaction to the ‘bizarre parade of alien forms’ is to find it ‘all too much’ (6), and that she feels an, admittedly unfortunate, comfort in the company of the Pels because ‘At least this lot look human...’ (7).
This, of course, is the whole point of Doctor Who and the Curse of Peladon. Hayles is picking up the slack between Malcolm Hulke novelisations and focusing squarely on xenophobia, actually going one step further and implicating the Doctor in the prejudice that Hulke’s stories have been keen to highlight. Where Jo instinctively viewed the Ice Warriors as simply ‘massive and threatening’, the Doctor has a whole preconceived notion of their race to work with as he immediately labels Izlyr and Ssorg prime suspects. Based on ‘When I knew them before’ (8) he knows they are ‘a ruthless and warlike race’ with ‘one aim—conquest’ (9), regardless of how these delegates actually behave.
Nicely, there’s never any suggestion that the Doctor might be right. Despite the clues that implicate the Ice Warriors in the murders and attempted murders, the Doctor is undermined from the start by the way Jo is already changing her mind about them, first just to herself (‘Jo wasn’t at all sure that the Doctor was right’) and then by actually challenging him (‘you’re always telling me to look for the good qualities in alien life forms’). The Doctor’s blind assertions are never allowed to appear an understandable mistake and the novelisation ensures he comes off looking bad for it. He can’t even bring himself to apologise, Jo having to do it for him (10).
This allows the plot to rely on the Pels’ fear of the alien to create all the problems of the story without coming across as patronising or sneering. These are forces for ill that exist within society and need to be guarded against by everyone including the Doctor. In fact, the people of Peladon seemingly could not have been prompted through simple blind fear of anything alien, Hepesh having to stoke superstitious fears that ‘the young king was possessed, invaded by the alien evil’ (11) to prompt a popular uprising, suggesting their instinctively less prejudiced than the Doctor. Indeed, they haven’t ever feel any desire to rise up before despite the alien queen who brought such foreign concepts to Peladon as ‘justice, compassion—and love’ (12) and planted ‘the seeds of change’ in ‘the royal bloodline’ of the planet (13).
Hepesh himself is less sympathetic. He did hate King Pel’s mother and that short sentence wrapping up his reminisce of her – ‘She was dead now’ – even hints he may have done something about it. There is also a hypocrisy to his manipulation of the people through Aggedor, treating ‘the Royal Beast as though it were a common cur, yet all the time revering its holy image as all-powerful’ (14), and his contortions becomes so complicated that he even confuses himself, at once proclaiming that Aggedor ‘is not the Royal guardian—it is a common animal’ before asserting his control over the very beast he claims to be an alien plant and shouting ‘Aggedor—kill!’ (15).
What’s more, it turns out he’s simply a fool who’s been easily manipulated by Arcturus (16). All his talk of how the Federation will ‘exploit us for our minerals, enslave us with their machines, corrupt us with their glittering technology’(17) turns out to be not a product of his loyalty to Peladon’s traditions nor of his insight into the difficulties of fair industrial relations between a pseudo-feudal hovel and a technologically empowered interplanetary alliance but just of him crediting the words of one alien over those of some others.
Which is a shame. When the Doctor celebrates how ‘Federation technology would mean that cultural and social advances normally taking a thousand years could now be achieved in less than a century’ (18), you can’t help but remember how he told off the big Dæmon for just this kind of thing a few books ago. Hepesh’s fight against modernity could have had a point beyond just ‘a fanatical love of the past’ (19) which sees city life as slavery and civilisation as zombification (20), it could have been about how progress adopted from outside feels much the same as colonisation. Hepesh believes Arcturus’s talk of exploitation and enslavement because it tallies with his sense of what modernity means: ‘The face of this planet will be changed. The past will be swept away! […] Nothing that I know, or value, will remain’. If the forces of progress view everything he values about Peladon as worthless, they may as well be viewing it as nothing more than a rock with indigenous labour.
The problem could have been that Hepesh is right to remind everyone that ‘Our roots are in the past’ (21) and it would be wrong to sever Peladon’s future from them. Torbis is actually in accord when he says ‘The past […] had to change, to evolve’ (22) but, in demanding ‘it should happen soon’, he’s rushing it. This makes some sense of Alpha Centauri’s odd pronouncement that ‘We have learned to control our past’ (23) – he means that they have learnt to manage the social and political forces that used to lead to ‘war and violence’ (24). But Peladon has not learnt and is seeking a shortcut to this progress. When King Pel asks ‘How can we raise ourselves from the Dark Ages without help?’ (25), he is in fact revealing that Peladon is not ready to join the planets that form the Federation because it has not yet come to terms with its own past and moved forward by itself.
Were the story to end with the recognition that Peladon still needed more time before it could join the Federation, this would have paid off the fears expressed by Hepesh and his followers. They would still have been wrong in what they did but their motives would have been a valid counterargument to Torbin and the king. Instead, Hayles just ends up suggesting patriotism makes you more credulous and easier to manipulate with a pack of lies while progress is best achieved simply by putting blind faith in those more technologically advanced than yourselves to haul you down the route of progress.
So it’s not all good, Doctor Who and the Curse of Peladon. But it’s still a victory for Hulke, especially off the back of his tortured attempts to do something similar in Doctor Who and the Sea-Devils. Modernity might still look unfortunately imperial but Doctor Who is none-the-less firmly on the side of progress, xenophobia and fanatical nostalgia are the clear enemies and even the Doctor has had to confront the hard lesson that alien appearance does not automatically equal monster. This is, if flawed, a nice bit of evidence for the lasting victories won by the Pertwee era just as Doctor Who on TV leaves its visible UNIT trappings behind. The show might return to the pre-Pertwee set-up, and perhaps never more so than in Part One of ‘The Ark in Space’, but its ethical stance won’t.
Height Attack
‘one mighty footprint. Huge, bigger than any footprint she had seen, in Jo’s mind it could belong to only one person: Ssorg, the Ice Warrior’
And just in case you haven’t got the idea: ‘The huge Martian’
Tory Who
‘His companion, her natural prettiness made even more beautiful by the evening dress she wore under her cloak’ – again, that seems to be all the description necessary for Jo
‘The Doctor spoke calmly, but with a deliberate authority that Jo knew better than to question'
1 Based on the Popular BBC Television Serial, ed. Paul Smith
2 http://epguides.com/DoctorWho/
3 ‘Tall as a man, but single-footed like a sea anemone, its iridescent turquoise body was discreetly covered by a cloak emblazoned with its Galactic rank’
4 ‘Alpha Centauri’s tentacles rippled uneasily, their colours changing to a milky blue in sure indication of alarm’; ‘The hexapod’s colour was palpitating green and blue’ – does he mean pulsing??; ‘Alpha Centauri had calmed down considerably, but was still distraught, its skin colour fluctuating wildly from mauve to pale green’; ‘The tentacles became less agitated, and their colour became almost normal once more’ AND ‘waving dark blue tentacles in panic’
5 ‘Alpha Centauri had never before met an Arcturian face to face, and what he now witnessed made his sensors tingle with curiosity and apprehension. At first glance he saw a tinted but transparent globe of fluid, mounted on a compact and elaborate traction unit, the whole strongly resembling a robot rather than an alien life-form. But closer examination showed that within the fluid floated a delicate, multi-strand organism, and that at its centre was lodged the vital neuro-complex that governed its actions. Alpha Centauri’s admiration for the design and elegant complexity of the life-support unit mingled with an indescribable feeling of unease’
6 ‘Jo edged closer to the Doctor, and tried not to shudder at the bizarre parade of alien forms before her: the massive and threatening Martians, then something that looked like an operatic octopus—she lost track counting the tentacles—and, finally, a travelling goldfish bowl with a nasty-looking creepy-crawly swimming about inside. It was all too much!’
7 ‘At least this lot look human...’
8 ‘“When I knew them before, Jo, they wanted to colonise Earth. And you may have noticed that this planet, backward though it is, is very much like yours.” Jo wasn’t at all sure that the Doctor was right’
9 ‘“I know them, remember. I’ve seen what they’re capable of doing. Not only are they technically highly advanced, but they’re also a ruthless and warlike race. I’m afraid I don’t trust them” “And you’re always telling me to look for the good qualities in alien life forms!” “The Ice Warriors are the exception to that rule, Jo. For me, at any rate. I’m telling you, I’ve met them twice so far, and they only have one aim—conquest!” “I still think you could be jumping to conclusions”’ – ‘THE’ exception to that rule?? Daleks???
10 ‘For a moment, Jo was speechless. When at last she spoke, it was with a genuine note of apology in her voice. “I’m sorry,” she said, “it looks as if we’ve misjudged you, Izlyr. But the Doctor only knows your planet as bearing a race of Warriors”’
11 ‘It was enough to claim that the young king was possessed, invaded by the alien evil’
12 ‘my mother taught me all she could of those qualities she brought from her own planet, Earth: justice, compassion—and love’ – is the suggestion genuinely that these qualities are genuinely alien to the Pels? That no one before her arrival had any concept of these concepts or feelings?
13 ‘He so resembled his warrior father in physique and bearing. But, because of the added graciousness and warmth of his mother the Earthwoman, the boy lacked the autocratic manner of the great Kings of the past. Yes, she was the source: breaking the royal bloodline, and planting the seeds of change not only in her son and Torbis, but in the minds of the whole Grand Council. She was dead now’
14 ‘Was power so important that Hepesh should degrade himself to the level of a common assassin—and, in the process, treat the Royal Beast as though it were a common cur, yet all the time revering its holy image as all-powerful?’
15 ‘“You know the aliens. Their machines and their magic do not fool us! The beast is not the Royal guardian—it is a common animal! […] I am its master!” he cried. “When I command, it obeys!” Then, with a fierce gesture towards the Doctor, his voice rang out like the crack of a whip: “Aggedor—kill!”’ – Actually, there’s a lot of questions raised by this short passage. Does he really believe he controls it? How’s he not already got his face ripped off if he’s not been at least a bit cannier than this?? And what does he expect all the others to think as he simultaneously denounces Aggedor as a fake and seeks to assert his control of it???
16 ‘It was Arcturus who sold Hepesh on the idea that joining the Federation would mean slavery. Now, nothing will ever change that belief’
17 ‘“They will exploit us for our minerals, enslave us with their machines, corrupt us with their glittering technology! The face of this planet will be changed. The past will be swept away!” He paused, his face tragic. “Nothing that I know, or value, will remain”’
18 ‘The bubble of superstition had been burst, and the young king had freely taken the bold step out of barbarism towards a new, magnificent future. Federation technology would mean that cultural and social advances normally taking a thousand years could now be achieved in less than a century! A new Peladon, stronger, more sophisticated, more civilised...’
19 ‘“There was no malice towards you, your majesty,” the Doctor murmured, “only a fanatical love of the past”’
20 ‘I would rather be a cave dweller, and free, than a city slave, civilised to the point of mindlessness!’
21 ‘Our roots are in the past’
22 ‘The past was important, but it had to change, to evolve—and Torbis was determined that it should happen soon’
23 ‘We have learned to control our past’
24 ‘“Centuries ago,” pleaded Peladon, “on your own planets, war and violence flourished!”’
25 ‘How can we raise ourselves from the Dark Ages without help?’
Haylesisms
‘The electric storm clawed and tore its way across the night sky like a wild animal, flaring suddenly into ripples of lightning’ – does this make any sense??
It’s odd how Chapter 4 (The Doctor Must Die) is titled for what’s essentially its cliffhanger. I guess it’s following the Planet of the Daleks principle.
King Pel: ‘“I hardly ever meet anyone of my own age”, his face grew sombre, “now that my mother is dead”’ – makes it sound like his mother was the same age as him.
Heavy-handed but rather nice: ‘To the Doctor, the alternative that Peladon now offered was virtually a reprieve; at least, it meant that he had a fighting chance. To Jo, it seemed to offer the difference between the hangman’s rope and the executioner’s axe. Hepesh, on the other hand, saw Peladon’s decree as a weakening of the throne’s authority and yet another concession to the aliens’
Tardis dematerialisation Hayles-style: ‘A bone-jarring, mechanical grinding noise filled the room. The lady Earth Delegate and Izlyr covered their ears. Alpha Centauri turned a particularly bright shade of mauve with the aural discomfort’
Are You Sitting Comfortably..?
‘Neither of them knew that they were looking on the face of Aggedor’
‘A second later, the wall panel closed, the tapestry fell back into place, and they had gone from sight. It was as though they had never been there at all...’
Miscellania
Escape (in)to Danger count: THREE. Chapter 7 here, to add to Doctor Who and Doctor Who and the Zarbi
‘its interior space was unlimited, and styled with an elegant futurism. At its centre stood a cylindrical complex of controls and monitoring equipment that would do justice to all but the most advanced spaceship’ – Is it really that difficult to furnish these writers with a picture of the Tardis?
The doubles entendre are coming thicker now: ‘Down on your hands and knees, then... That’s it. Now—move towards me... slowly’
Looking at the Ice Warriors’ key to their ship: ‘It’s made from trisilicate. Remarkable stuff, found only on Mars’ – seems an odd choice when Monster of Peladon was on less than a year ago and made such a big deal of trisilicate on Peladon. Is this deliberate?
‘the Doctor was giving out a low and painful moaning sound, as though in agony from a terrible wound’ – that’s his singing she’s talking about.