Doctor Who's Putrid Ham
A quest through the Dr Who novelisations
"The excellent ham of Doctor Who is more than a little off"
1974 Times Literary Supplement review of Doctor Who and the Crusaders (quoted from David J Howe's The Target Book)
"I know you hate England. But there are some true patriots around, people who love their country"
DOCTOR WHO AND THE CAVE-MONSTERS
by Malcolm Hulke
First published 17 January 1974 (1), between Invasion of the Dinosaurs Parts One and Two (2) (or Invasion and Invasion of the Dinosaurs Part Two, if you prefer (or is it Invasion Part One and Invasion of the Dinosaurs Part Two?))
Height Attack
The reptile men are ‘well over six feet tall’
Hulke loves doing a novelisation so much that this first one’s publication coincides with his last work on the TV series. He positively wallows in the luxury of no restricting monster costumes, no script editor diluting his concepts, no Barry Letts changing his ending, no Caroline John turning Liz into an actual character…
Alright, it’s not all brilliant but there’s a quality of prose and strength of voice that makes him stand out. Chapter 3 demonstrates the former wonderfully, Hulke concisely sketching in Miss Dawson, her brothers all gone to scientific jobs abroad while she stayed home with a mother who used her illness to buttress her daughter’s prison (3). It explains why Dawson latches on to Dr Quinn so utterly, partly because her mother fashioned her into such a ‘faithful’ companion, but mainly because, having waited so long for her mother to finally die of ‘incredibly old age’ to be ‘At last free’ (4), she’s painfully aware of how little time is left to avoid a lonely fate (5). Opportunities are scarce – ‘he was single’ so ‘She was immediately attracted to him’ (6).
Chapter 3 also reveals the character and motives of Dr Quinn, who laments how he’s ‘given all [his] life to science’ but ‘always been someone else's assistant’ (7). Like Miss Dawson, he has been overshadowed his whole life by a parent, his father (8), ‘a world-famous scientist’, who dictated the course of his career, pushing him into physics (9). Unlike her, he doesn’t feel free following their death, striving instead to escape their shadow by seeking a fame equal to Charles Darwin (10) whilst dismissing of the inventor of the radio because his name isn’t remembered (11). To make sure the reader does not make too many allowances for Quinn’s history, Hulke gives him an unnecessary but clearly villainous coda to his plan, killing the reptile men once he has stolen their secrets (12). This is not a good man turned to a bad path out of scientific curiosity, this is a man who will ruthlessly risk and do anything to ensure personal recognition.
Dr Quinn serves as Hulke’s chief lesson in the perils of the desire to be recognised and remembered, but the same issues get played out through Dr Lawrence and the reptile men. Lawrence is a clear parallel, oblivious to the ‘benefits to mankind’ the Wenley Moor project promises (13) and concerned only ‘to be remembered by future generations, like Faraday or Edison’ (14). He’s desperate ‘to do something with his life’, the italics an echo of Quinn’s father’s admonishment against geology (9), and it’s clear they both misunderstand the idea of doing, thinking it means achieving personal recognition rather than gifting something to the future. As with Quinn, Hulke ensures that Lawrence’s personal ambition cannot be confused with scientific curiosity, first when the discovery of ‘an entirely separate life-form’ attracts no interest from him beyond that it ‘exonerates’ his handling of the project (15), and then when he attempts to escape the failing project to save his career prospects (16) even though, since the reasons for its failure are all external, it could still be of massive benefit.
The reptile men’s yearning is more mournful, Okdel saddened to tears to discover that ‘his civilisation had completely vanished’ and become ‘completely forgotten’ (17), but it’s still a significant barrier to the story reaching any happy resolution. It means that even the one member of the species who can see the need to accept humanity’s presence on the planet still feels the need to assert pre-eminence, asking that ‘it would be understood that we are the superior race?’ (18), and so makes clear, even as he embarks on trying to defuse it, that a tension between reptile and human is inevitable (19). As Quinn and Lawrence see scientific endeavour as a competition for glory rather than a joint pursuit of betterment, so the reptile men see civilisation (20). That’s why Morka’s insistence that Okdel has ‘betrayed’ his race (21) inadvertently echoes Barker’s accusations of ‘traitor’ (22), because loyalty is all about propping up supremacy, as symbolised for Barker by the Queen; why K’to is so upset by the destruction of the destructor, which would have ‘returned [the] planet to what it was when [reptiles] were the masters’ (it has been established that there are enough places they can live as the Earth is now but they desire mastery (23)); and why the Brigadier seals the caves, because it turns out the humans share the reptiles’ belief that coexistence is impossible (24).
The xenophobia expressed by both sides allows Hulke to make sure this can’t be read simply as a fictional problem. Early on, that xenophobia is played almost for laughs, the Brigadier’s unprompted patriotic fervour regarding Wenley Moor’s power generation (25), talking of making ‘Britain great again’, leaving his audience distinctly unimpressed, the sentiment explicitly labelled ‘very silly’. That informs how Major Barker’s view on world events, situated even more locally in England (26), gets read, at least initially. When he starts talking about how ‘England was once the heart of an empire’ and ‘will rise again’, we already know he’s ‘very silly’ but the desperation in his spiel also makes him unnerving in a way the Brigadier wasn’t. He throws around empty superlatives such as ‘the greatest empire the world has ever known’, he compares the economic turmoil of the 1970s with the most unfavourable point of the Second World War in 1940, he thinks of the rest of the world facelessly as ‘a pack of hungry wolves’ and he blames both ‘the bankers and the trade-unionists’ for the demise of his ‘great heritage’, perhaps not actually unreasonably, and later communists Chinese and Russian, fascists and Americans for the sabotage (27), showing he’s happy to lash out at all sides and has no ideological position for moving forwards, just an empty fury that a mythical past isn’t the present.
Again, as with Quinn and Lawrence’s ambition, Hulke ensures there’s no doubt that Barker is a foaming lunatic, his patriotism becomes ever more enthusiastic the more divorced from reality he becomes – he shouts at reptile people he still denies the existence of, despite seeing them, about how they ‘hate England’(28), and his failure to understand what is happening becomes the greatest threat to humanity as he carries the reptile virus out from the caves (29), insisting all along he must have escaped under his own initiative. As he wrecks all chance of a peaceful outcome here, he’s shown to have previous, and this is when treating the rampant jingoism as a humorous aside becomes unsustainable. In Derry~Londonderry, Barker shot a surrendering IRA sniper in a ‘moment of anger’ and ‘Without a second’s thought’. This excess of feeling and paucity of reason led to his being ‘asked to resign’ (30), and act he apparently still can’t understand the need for.
With the real world starting to intrude, Hulke weaponises any discussion of the reptile men – Masters’s dismissal of these ‘lizards’ as not ‘people’(31) might be technically correct in context but starts to hint at historical campaigns to dehumanise the persecuted. The same concerns echo in the reptiles’ discussions, with their ‘disgust’ for the ‘unclean’ ‘furry creatures’ (32) who are ‘the lowest form of life’ (33) in their eyes. Inevitably, both sides converge on the same final solution to the problem, K’to releasing a ‘deadly virus’ to eradicate humanity (34) and Masters proposing the ‘animals’ be ‘exterminated’(35), and Hulke’s analogy is complete. Patriotism is clearly linked with xenophobia and xenophobia with Nazism. The Brigadier, chummy and a bit of a figure of fun at the start, ends the book bombing the defenceless, sleeping enemy. Even his early explanation that he likes the Doctor because he has some ‘human-like’ qualities (36) takes on a chilling air – the Doctor’s alright because he’s the right type of alien.
Hulke also offers a clear outlook on the world and a desire to promote it. I should make clear that I don’t actually think Whitaker is xenophobic and sexist (certainly, his TV work suggests otherwise) and I’m not sure how deliberate Strutton’s call for the workers to take command is – those readings are definitely there but how consciously they were wed to the narratives, I wouldn’t want to guess. Hulke, however, I am absolutely certain is on a mission to undermine in the minds of Britain’s youth any attraction they might feel towards a celebration of personal ambition or the comforting certainties of a Little Englander mentality. In doing so, he’s gone some way to remedying the worldview Whitaker’s novelisations propounded and given birth to a firm yet human moral outlook for the Doctor Who range. And he’s not done yet.
Revenge of the Educational Remit
Not at all crowbarred in: ‘Liz had once visited the famous caves at Lascaux in southwest France. Those French caves had been discovered by four schoolboys back in 1942. They were playing a hide-and-seek game, and one of them fell into a deep hole in the ground. He called to the others that he was in some sort of cave, so they scrambled down to see. To their amazement, they found themselves surrounded by drawings on the cave's walls—drawings of animals and hunters made by some Stone Age artist tens of thousands of years ago’
And with added lampshading: ‘"The coelacanth," said Dr. Quinn, as though giving a lecture, "caught off Natal in 1938, and thought to have been extinct for seventy million years"’
‘there is no trace of your civilisation on this planet. The Earth's crust is always moving. You are fortunate that this shelter has not been crushed to pulp by some internal movement of the crust’
Tory Who
‘“How many sugars, Liz?” “One,” she said. “To keep that figure of yours,” said the Doctor. “Very wise”'
‘The Brigadier pushed Liz towards him. “She's got hysterics,” he said’
1 http://tardis.wikia.com/wiki/Doctor_Who_and_the_Cave-Monsters
2 http://epguides.com/DoctorWho/
3 ‘All her life she had had to live in London, which she had come to detest, because of her elderly mother. Her brothers, older than her and all scientists, had got married and gone to live in America and Australia. Miss Dawson had been the one left at home to look after their ailing mother [...] whenever she saw an advertisement for an electronic scientist needed abroad, or even in another part of Britain, her mother's health had mysteriously taken a turn for the worse'
4 ‘Miss Dawson's mother had died, of incredibly old age, a year ago. At last free, Miss Dawson immediately applied for, and got, this job at the research centre at Wenley Moor. Derbyshire wasn't exactly Australia or America, but at least it was some distance from London, and it was the start of her new life’
5 'The years rolled by, and people stopped calling her a 'young woman' and said instead 'such a faithful daughter'. Sometimes she met men who seemed to want to marry her; but her mother always knew somehow, and promptly became ill again so that Miss Dawson even had to stay away from work to look after the old lady. In her heart Miss Dawson feared the moment when people would stop asking, 'Why don't you get married?' and replace it with the dread, 'Why didn't you get married?', but at least it was some distance from London, and it was the start of her new life’
6 ‘She was immediately attracted to him. He was rather older than her, and had had a terrific amount of scientific experience. Also he was a very kind man, always friendly, and with that trace of a Scottish accent that fascinated her. Above all, he was single. He had been married, but his wife had died in a car accident some years ago’
7 ‘I've given all my life to science, Miss Dawson. But somehow I've always been someone else's assistant’
8 ‘Your father was a world-famous scientist and over-shadowed you. Now you are once again playing second fiddle, as assistant to Dr. Lawrence’
9 ‘As a boy I was interested in geology. My father thought that rather childish. Learning about the history of our planet doesn't do anything, like making wheels go round''
10 ‘“Wouldn't you like to know someone who is as famous as Charles Darwin?” Miss Dawson could see now that Dr. Quinn was not the quiet little man she had imagined’
11 ‘In years to come the name Matthew Quinn will be as unknown as—as that of D. E. Hughes […] a professor of music, invented radio in 1879, and built a primitive transmitter in his home in Great Portland Street, London. I bet you thought Marconi invented radio!’
12 ‘I shall kill them first, after I have found out all that I want to know’
13 ‘her mind was filled with the excitement of the project. To turn nuclear energy directly into electrical power, without using a turbine in between, could bring enormous benefits to mankind’
14 ‘It was a job that many other scientists would envy. The pay was very good; but money wasn't the only attraction. He wanted to do something with his life, to be remembered by future generations, like Faraday or Edison’
15 ‘“At least that exonerates me,” he said smugly. “Is that your only reaction,” said the Doctor, “to the existence of an entirely separate life-form in the caves—that it exonerates you?”’
16 ‘“Is there any chance I could get out of this place? […] get another job somewhere.” “With your qualifications,” said Masters, “I should think that very easy. We have posts open in laboratories and research centres all over the country—for junior technicians.” He smiled again. “You don't really want to be the first rat to leave a sinking ship, do you?” “I know that if I remain here, and finally this place has to be written-off as a total loss, you people in the government will always hold the blame against me!”'
17 ‘“We have cities,” said Okdel, “great domed cities in valleys waiting for us to return.” “No,” said the Doctor. “This must be hard for you to understand, but there is no trace of your civilisation on this planet.” […] Okdel seemed deeply affected to learn that his civilisation had completely vanished. “Nothing of us has been found?” […] Okdel swayed slightly from one side to another, and from the depth of his throat there came a gentle whining sound. The Doctor thought this must be the reptile man's way of showing grief. Then a single drop of liquid slid from one of Okdel's eyes. The old reptile man was crying. “I am very sorry,” said the Doctor. “It must be sad to realise that you are so completely forgotten.” Okdel stopped swaying. He did nothing to conceal the single tear, which had left a glistening path down the scales of his face’
18 ‘“If your plan is acceptable to the other species,” said Okdel, “it would be understood that we are the superior race?”’
19 ‘“We are a peace-loving species,” said Okdel. “But it is difficult for us to think of apes as equals.”’
20 '“these days people don't talk about superior and inferior races. Everyone is equal.” “Every one of the humans is equal,” said Okdel. “But we must be respected”’
21 '“You propose that vermin shall take our world?” said Morka. “They have already taken it,” said Okdel. “We can but hope for the smallest share.” “You have betrayed us,” said Morka’
22 ‘“Do you realise that is treason, sir?” said the Major, then quoting from the law, “"Assisting a public enemy at war with the Queen"!” He turned to Okdel and Morka. “This man is a traitor! If you, gentlemen, are true soldiers you will have nothing to do with him!”’
23 ‘With the destructor we could have returned our planet to what it was when we were the masters’
‘there are still large areas in the world today very similar to the conditions in which you knew the planet, and these areas are hardly touched by Man. With your technology you could build cities in those parts of the world which Man has ignored’
24 ‘Liz turned to him. “Doctor, not everyone thinks like you...”’ – Liz is strongly implicated here, seeming to include herself in ‘everyone’.
25 ‘“That'll show 'em!” said the Brigadier. Everyone looked at the Brigadier, as though he had said something very silly. “Show whom?” asked the Doctor. The Brigadier had to think for a moment. “You know,” he said, “foreign competitors. A discovery like this will make Britain great again.” No one seemed very impressed with this’
26 ‘England was once the heart of an empire, the greatest empire the world has ever known. But the bankers and the trade-unionists have destroyed that great heritage. Now we are alone, backs to the wall, just as we were in 1940, only there is no Winston Churchill to lead us. The whole world is snapping at us like a pack of hungry wolves. But the day will come, Miss Shaw, when England will rise again’
27 '“Why should communists cause these power losses?” said the Doctor. “They hate England, that's why.” Barker started to warm to his subject. “They train people to come here to destroy us.” “I see,” said the Doctor. “Are these Chinese communists or Russian communists?” “There's no difference between them,” said Barker. “And if it isn't them, it's the fascists. Or the Americans”’
28 ‘I know you hate England. But there are some true patriots around, people who love their country’
29 ‘he couldn't remember escaping. Still, the mind can play strange tricks. Obviously he must have escaped or he would not be in this cave now, a free man’
30 Barking Barker’s backstory: ‘in Londonderry, Northern Ireland, leading a group of soldiers who were trying to pin down an IRA sniper’ … ‘As Major Barker called on his men to break cover and arrest the sniper, shots rang out from a sniper in another building, instantly killing the young soldier next to Major Barker. Without a second's thought, Barker aimed his revolver at the sniper standing with his hands up in surrender, and shot him dead. For that moment of anger, Major Barker had been asked to resign from the British Army and to find another job’
31 '“People?” said Masters. “You call lizards "people"?”'
32 ‘“Because I am a man of science,” K'to said, “does not mean that I lack feelings and passions. I have no wish to share the world with furry creatures. They are unclean. Insects sometimes live in their fur. They disgust me”’
33 ‘“They are still mammals,” said Morka, “the lowest form of life!”’
34 ‘He has been infected with a deadly virus which may destroy all his species'
35 ‘"The objective fact is," said Masters, "that we cannot make this place work, at least not until these animals have been exterminated"’
36 ‘you could always settle an argument by appealing to the Doctor's vanity. It was a little human-like quality that the Doctor had, and was one of the reasons why the Brigadier liked him’ – this is actually rather sweet but the bite is definitely there in the context of the story
Hulkisms
This is almost plausible: ‘"We only know about the reptiles whose fossils we have found," said the Doctor. "But what if for some reason the more intelligent reptiles hid themselves away in shelters under the Earth's crust?"' - so long as no individuals ever suffered an accident anywhere its body might be preserved and they always without fail cremated their dead. There is of course the much more plausible possibility that we just haven't found those fossils yet but that's very much not what the Doctor's driving at.
The disease reaches Paris: ‘“Both nurses,” said Sergeant Hawkins, “from the Royal Free Hospital, London, going away for the weekend”’ - how complicated is the concept of quarantine, which the Doctor immediately suggested was needed. First, they let Barker get taken to hospital and then, while dealing with that – and so appreciating the Doctor was right – several of them are responsible for letting Masters (who is bizarrely determined) just waltz out. Their response to finally finding him and the two people they infected is to seemingly put them in open wards in more hospitals, at least judging by the ease with which two nurses are infected. Furthermore, they don’t seem to have told those nurses or made any attempt to quarantine Royal Free. This was so utterly easily containable at so many stages!
‘“If the virus strain knows what it's about,” said Dr. Meredith, “it'll soon find a way to overcome the antibiotics”’ Why exactly are antibiotics considered likely to have any effect on a virus in the first place? Why does a doctor seemingly believe in ‘knowing’ viruses? And why is the Doctor’s solution to not having yet found a cure to keep giving everyone more antibiotics, like they’d need a top-up or something (‘Give him some more antibiotics’)? Don't antibiotics tend to come in a distinctly planned course?
Miscellania
That's a lovely horizontal section of Wenley Moor research centre and the reptiles' shelter at the start of the book.
The only mention of ‘Silurians’ comes when Liz gives it as a password on arriving at Wenley Moor research centre.
Oh dear: ‘The voice of Doctor Who…’
Nice bit where, though the eyes of a Silurian, the Doctor temporarily becomes the Frock Coat: ‘The creature with silver buttons tried to stop the Frock Coat from touching the dead creature’
Odd little details. Is it simply plot mechanics or an attempt to explain why UNIT aren’t better than they are?: ‘Every foot of the field telephone cable had to be wound back on to the drum, and this slowed them down’ and ‘"If we are trapped again," said the Brigadier, "that is something I could explain to my superiors. But if I lose one foot of that wretched telephone cable, there will be an investigation into the waste of public money"’
A phrase I'm going to try and start using: ‘a knife-and-fork tea’